Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Why am I not good enough?!

Hey guys,

Random post which in hindsight I should probably bin and forget about but then I thought no, bubblybex3 is my blog to write about whatever shit I want. Granted I'm mostly moaning about being fat or gushing over the latest eyeshadow palette but you get my meaning. This is my space!

On to the topic at hand. No confidence and self doubt. These are things I feel most of the time. I've touched on the subject of my extreme pmt before (PMDD post here) and how the hormonal fluctuations make me crazy! 



Well did they hit last weekend! After missing my period for months (they stopped due to being too fat! Ha back to the moaning) they have come back with a vengeance! I'm talking monster pmt people! Is this tmi? 

Anyway the catalyst to my emotional breakdown this week was one tiny little thing that in the grand scheme of things means fuck all.

I just don't feel good enough. I feel like people only tolerate me which at 29 is a sad thing to admit whether it's true or not and I hate how insecure I feel when it comes to social situations. Are people even bothered I'm there?!

I wanted to deactivate Twitter, Facebook and snapchat as I felt like the worst person in the world. I was fat, I was ugly and I had this paranoid fear that everyone was going to abandon a sinking ship (unfollow me) coz that's the worst right?

Don't fret, I obviously didn't. It was my mum who told me to stop being a twit and that I'm letting hormones and insecurities create problems that don't exist.
Gah it's making me cringe just writing this! 




Then I got over it. Whether it's because my hormones decided to even out and give the psychotic thoughts a rest or I just decided who fucking cares?! 

This girl is on a mission to better herself both physically and mentally and no hormone or negative thought will stop me! 

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Much Love,

Bex X

3 comments:

  1. Sending you LOTS of love, hugs and pixie dust!! We all have days like this, I have spent countless weekends locking myself away from the world thinking I'm a steaming pile of turd so who cares if I go out or not? Some days I hate myself, I mean REALLY hate myself, I hate my body, my voice, my job, I just can't be bothered and see very little point in doing anything about it - but eventually, the cloud lifts, the lights go on and things really are not as bad as they seem, hell, maybe there's even some good in there after all.

    Sometimes you have to hit your lowest to really see what matters to you. It's not easy, it's not fun, but you know what, it makes us human and we have enough amazing kick ass days to drown out these bad ones!

    Sarah :)
    Saloca in Wonderland

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  2. ah the twist at the end of this post definitely made me feel so much better! I'm so happy you don't feel that way anymore. It's scary how much hormones and, indeed, hormonal imbalances can effect our mood and even the way we think. I've been in the same position a LOT and it's just iwlhfheuihfihefiuhfif STOP IT BRAIN. I do feel as though you come across a lot more confident now that you're moving towards a weight you're more comfortable with now which is fab. I've decided to start putting my weight issues first now as I think it's the next step in becoming a better me mentally and emotionally! You've inspired me. You. :)

    Love you,
    Hannah xx
    www.hannahdelacour.co.uk

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  3. Ahh you sound so much like the voice in my head. I too have thought about deactivating all social media and I frequently want to shut myself away from the world until I feel 'better' (whatever that means?)

    Hormones are terriable things for causing anxiety and paranoia! Just know that it isn't just you who has days like this. You're not alone and there will always be someone who understands. I'm glad these feelings passed for you :)

    Karen
    www.beyondthebathroomscale.co.uk

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it :)