Sunday, 10 April 2016

The idiosyncrasies of a fat chick

Hey guys,

                               


So I went to the Trafford Centre yesterday and I actually wore nice clothes which is a rare occurrence for me, however I felt so bloody uncomfortable!

Yet later that night I went to work and was wearing my scruffy sweat pants and a hoodie. Admittedly they are Nike but I'm not sure the brand will be using me as a model in future advertising campaigns as I took scruffy to a whole new level. Lol

I just don't understand why? Fat is fat in any outfit. I can hardly hide ten extra stones of lard so why did I feel so 'on show' dressed in my smart clothes yet comfortable in my scruffs?

I was talking to my mum about it and I think she hit the nail on the head!

'Maybe I dont feel 'worthy' enough to dress up and make the effort'

Now this statement resonated with me. I'm not speaking for big people everywhere. I'm just saying that I do prefer to hide away than embrace what I am right now and it's kinda sad.

I'm nearing 30 and I'm embarrassed to look good and presentable as what if I'm ridiculed? What if someone laughs at me? The horror!

Well I say a big 'F-YOU' to that thought! What has that thinking ever done for me? Other than keep me locked in this battle of low self worth and fad diets!

So you know what I did? I went online shopping baby! I've bought some nice tops and pants that may not be all that colour wise as I went all black. Baby steps people, baby steps. But I think it's a step in the right direction 😄 

This isn't going to suddenly stop the negative Nancy in my head telling me 'I'm too fat, so why bother?' but it's a start on this path to body acceptance.

My weightloss so far has been hit n miss which is frustrating but I'm finally in a mental place to truly focus and start shedding the weight and more importantly improve my health! 

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Hope you're well guys!

Much Love,

Bex X 

2 comments:

  1. I can completely connect with this feeling! And Im so glad you wrote this, and Im so glad you're tackling self esteem issues, which can be SO hard! <3 xx

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  2. Your gorgeous and you do deserve nice things! I've lost over 8 stone so know how hard it is. I remember the first time I wore leggings to the gym it was such a stepping stone for me!
    Awesome post.

    Becca
    www.Queenbeebecca.com

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