Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Will I be happy?

Hey guys,


This journey I'm on is a tough old bird. The uninformed may say 'eat less, move more' but until you've ate your way to this size, dealt with the feelings of self disgust and embarrassment then tried to change, you will never know what a roller coaster it is.

Everyday I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I want a McDonald's, I want a bar of Cadburys, I'd even eat a kebab and I hate even the thought of that meat!

I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I hate the lumps, bumps and bulges. I hate feeling like everyone is staring, judging and stamping me lazy.

I don't blame anyone other than me for my current situation. I ate the food, I ignored the few extra pounds, I ate more and more until this became my reality.

It's my birthday on the 7th June. I'll turn 28. On looking back, as we do the older we get. All I can remember is planning my what if's and when I? 

I've spent over 10 years both loving and hating this body I created. Loving the excuse it gave me to hide away and not try anything yet hating the fact I did that. 

Being afraid of the unknown made it easier to use my fat as a shield. But what am I so afraid of? The sad part is, I don't know.


As hard as it is, I need to trust this process, trust that giving my body what it needs, not what it wants is the answer and thinking positive! 

I read this today and it just touched me. 


I want to feel better about myself and I want to be happy. Hopefully this journey will be the key to unlocking that.

Anyway mini rant over. Hope you're all ok! :)

Much Love,

Bex x

2 comments:

  1. You are a beautiful girl, inside and out, don't ever forget that 😘😘

    You are more than just your body size. You are kind, thoughtful, generous, friendly, beautiful, supportive, hilariously funny and gorgeous.
    You are a daughter, an auntie and a sister.
    You are a caring and hard-working person in your job.
    None of these are an indication of your size and wouldn't matter if you were a size 8 or 28, you'd still be all those awesome qualities.
    You're my internet bestie and I luv ya XxxxxxxxxxX

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it :)