Friday, 10 April 2015

Fighting Myself

Hey guys,

I wanted to write this post as lately I've been feeling really defeated! I've had no confidence in myself, my diet and even this blog.


I suffer from premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). Basically PMT on steroids. So whilst the average woman feels rubbish a few days before her period. I have a few weeks of feeling so crap I want to hide away in a dark room and forget about life.

The hormones in my body really mess with my head. I can get really angry for no reason or super tearful (it's not pretty) and the constant second guessing everything wears me out and I just shut down! Thank God I drafted my posts!

Then come the 'what's the point?' thoughts. Even writing this I'm annoyed at myself but it's like I'm watching myself act and feel this way with no way of snapping out of it.

Will losing weight really change anything? Will writing my opinion on the latest lippie even be noticed? Why bother anyway? I mean I'm just setting myself up for failure and rejection. Aren't I?

But it hit me today (I'm coming off my downer it seems) that I love my little blog, yes I got bogged down with numbers whilst under my hormone induced rage (this coincided with getting over 50 unfollowers in one weekend alone) but I blog for me! 

This little piece of the net is for my shiz! Be that my favourite eyeshadow to how much weight I lost this month. If people read my words then thank you! But even if it's just my mother, that's fine too!


I also realised that I'm scared of the changes that will happen as I lose the weight. But these are changes with me, not the world around me.

Yes it's scary to put yourself out there with the chance of failure. It's easier to stuff yourself with junk and stick to the familiar.

But I want and deserve more than feeling like I'm 70 with a bad hip. I may not turn into a party animal once I hit goal but the choice will be mine. 

Instead of finding excuse not to go out like I do now, I can say 'you know what I will' I want to meet new people, travel and apply for that dream job and I need the confidence that weight loss will give me.

I found this poem and it really resonated with me.


I'm not quitting my diet, I'm not quitting my blog but most of all, I'm not quitting me! 

Thanks for reading,

Much Love,

Bex x

7 comments:

  1. I HATE that! I'm normally quite agitated for about a week and a half prior, and it means everything suffers... I do think however you should try approaching your fitness and your blog in different ways to see if it motivates you again :) I find using the app PumpUp a real booster! because you can log in and communicate with thousands of people on the same boat :) x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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    1. Thank you for the tips hun, I'll try that app :)
      It's been a tough few weeks and I tend to hide away plus I don't want to appear like I'm whining *hides face* x

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  2. Great post & I love that poem! I think you should definitely stick with blogging, I always find your posts very honest and motivating :-) hormones are the worst even under fairly normal circumstances so I sympathise with you x

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    1. Thank you so much hun! Your support means the world to me! x

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  3. Oh Bex!!! I just want to give you a big cuddle. Don't get bogged down in numbers with both your blog and your weight (easier said than done, I'm the same) but focus on you and what makes you happy. I know you already know that. If you ever want a chat or someone to rant at about anything then I'm here. Much love xxx

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    1. Aww thank you, I know it's stupid to let numbers (blogging, weight, clothes or money) have so much power. It's just hard sometimes.
      Your kind words mean a lot x

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  4. You're awesome and I love you and your blog. Being a girl sucks so much some times that even lipstick can't make it better. If you ever need anyone to chat to I'm always here.
    Sending massive hugs
    Beth x
    Mermaid in Disguise

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it :)