Saturday, 10 January 2015

Perception

So today I wanted to talk about perception. Both how I think others perceive me and how I perceive myself.

When thinking about my weight and 'planning my diet' I realised I've spent 10 years hating how I look. I've yo yo'd up and down with my weight. Lose some then put it back on with a bit more on top till you get to now! 

I need to lose 10 stone (don't tell Katie Hopkins)! Arghh!! That's a bloody person!! Why did I let myself spiral so out of control? Then you have to think how the small things catch up to you. The odd cake or chocolate bar is ok, sure you've gone up a pant size but that's fine. Then boom you've isolated yourself in this web of overindulgence and greed.

The downfall is that I feel crap as a 'fatty' but I was stuck in this cycle of eating-feeling crap-eating more-getting fatter- etc etc. I was not on good terms with exercise, the bitch hates me! Lol. I even drove my car to the local shop which is 5 minutes away! The worst thing? I paid someone to walk my dogs! The extent of my laziness was more than apparent in my size 24 pants!

Then, as you know, I decided to make a lifestyle change and thus my blog was born. To keep me accountable and document how my journey goes. I'm weighing in monthly as I don't want to be scale obsessed.

Now back to my point. I was playing with my nieces the other day (2&1) and we went to a local kids play centre. I was sooo embarrassed puffing and panting after the girls and kept thinking everyone was judging me. 

Then my 2 year old niece came running up to me and threw herself into my arms, and hugged me, fat belly and all. From her baby gibberish I got 'auntie Becki, kiss' and it hit me. This tiny little girl loves me regardless of what I look, feel or smell like. No judgement or condemnation, just love and affection. All she wanted from me was a kiss.

I realised I was the one judging myself, presuming that others were condemning me as worthless due to my size when really, no one cares. I get that some people don't like fat (Katie Hopkins again lol) but some don't like red hair or tattoos either. That doesn't mean you should feel bad about it. It's personal preference.



I looked at my nieces and decided I don't want them knowing I hate my body or I'm too embarrassed to go out. I want them to see a strong, confident woman who inspires them to be the same.

I want to get to a healthy place and look after my body and with time my perception of myself and how I think others view me, will change with me. I don't want to hide anymore. I'm changing my lifestyle one vegetable and workout at a time until I'm where I need to be :)



As Dove always say 'love the skin you're in' embrace your differences and make better choices that help your body and mind.

Much Love,

Bex x

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